Can't the tech industry come up with something better than a mp3 player? Well I can

Have people started complaining that carrying around an ipod or such is just too much of a burden? I mean it isn't a far stretch from "compact discs and portable cd players are too heavy and cumbersome to carry around everywhere so I need something better because I can't possibly bear to spend any amount of my ever so important life with out access to great music that I love so much" to "why should I have to transport anything?"

Many will say the solution is for the files to be placed in a hard drive that has been added to one's one brain -this will also help a certain evil individual- but this is nonsense. Everyone will just say the surgery ruins their beautiful head or something.

The real answer is to create a universal soundtrack for life. Just set up stereos everywhere and play them loud. People will be loud to put in earplugs if they want to sleep, watch tv or just have quiet time. Other that that everybody will hear the same thing in exchange for not having to carry anything around.

Now, I know you all are asking, "but what if people want to talk with their friends?" You shouldn't waste your time on this because that will be outlawed as will listening to other purely audio documents. I of course have misgiving about executing people for these offenses but the law is the law.

I'm not worried that this will result in me, out of desperation, becoming interested in whatever exactly Jay-Z is rapping about, because that won't happen as I most certainly will be in control of the play list. And just to make sure that people hate it, singles will be rare. My populace is going to be listening to extend pieces of music and/or multiple tracks by the same creator(s). For instance, this month it will be all Hamid Drake, Bill Hicks and Susie Ibarra.

Yep, I think this is going to work out just fine.

Comments

[Dick Cheney]

maybe you are suffering from a Napoleon complex, and think somebody put you in charge.

[micah holmquist]

Hey Mr. Vice President,

I am honored that you read my blog, because, while I don't know what you mean by "Napoleon complex," I have started to model my life after people like you. I recently realized that I was getting nowhere on my current course and decided to be like you and try to obtain great power so I could harm people by exercising it without thinking too much about what might happen. I do hope you'll note that I am staying off your turf. If I got out of line, you could always shoot me dead and everyone would believe you when you said it was an accident.

[Dick Cheney]

Truly commendable, on both counts. A man's gotta know his limits.