The three hundred millionth American will be a male named King and a giraffe. King will serve proudly in the U.S. Armed Forces and will use his legs to torture many hundreds upon many hundreds of terrorists in ticking time bomb situations, which allows the U.S. of A. to defuse bombs and foil terrorist attacks that would otherwise have killed every living organism on planet Earth.
Because of a civil war between practitioners of terror, however, this unfortunately means that the terrorists who will eventually drop several hundred nuclear bombs on the world, in an effort to kill every American, will not be killed and will live on to do their dirty deed of destiny. All but 37 Americans, one of whom is King, will be killed in these attacks. The 36 remaining patriots will correctly decide to hang King. This takes a bit of effort, but they get the job done and peace, love and understanding fill the secret prison in Chad where these defenders of God and freedom are located.
Three days after the hanging, a nuclear bomb kills the executioners of King and turns the once great giraffe’s body to soot.